1. |
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A hundred different questions, the answers all the same. Everybody finds the time to go their separate ways. I've got a thousand books. I'm never gonna read. I read graffiti in bathroom stalls. That's enough for me.
Where'd you go? I've got a package for you. It's just a box that's full of bubble wrap.
The world is getting bigger, but this room feels the same. It's just a useless dark location where I can't fall asleep. Cause someone broke my heart. My friends got sick of me. The words are easy enough to find but I probably shouldn't speak.
Where'd you go? I've got a package for you. It's just a box that's full of bubble wrap.
Where'd you go? I've got a package for you. It's just a box that's full of bubble wrap.
Where'd you go? I've got a package for you. I put all the good times in a box, but it's empty.
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2. |
It's Fine
05:41
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I'm so tired of walking through the snow-covered streets of small town Minnesota. I'd rather be sitting in the snow-covered parking lot behind Whole Foods. I'd rather be on that bench Walgreens where I used to sit alone listening to music on my phone, and thinking about all those faces I wouldn't see again, thinking about all those places I could never miss.
So I'll cut off all my hair. I'll close my eyes for a couple more years. I'll try hard and maybe I'll survive. I guess I'll see you there, even if there means nowhere. That's just fine. I'll fall behind. I don't care.
I've been thinking about University Avenue. Thinking about every one of you. I'm trying to figure out any other way out. I need to know, I need to go, and I need it now. Save me a seat, and save me a bullet just in case I change my mind. I've got nowhere else to run to, so maybe it's just a matter of time.
So I'll cut off all my hair. I'll close my eyes for a couple more years. I'll try hard and maybe I'll survive. I guess I'll see you there, even if there means nowhere. That's just fine. I'll fall behind. I don't care.
So I'll rip out my hair. I'll close my eyes for a couple more years. I'll try hard and maybe I'll survive. I guess I'll see you there, even if there means nowhere. That's just fine. I'll fall behind, and I'll rip out all my hair. I'll close my eyes for a couple more years. I'll try hard and maybe I'll survive. I hope I see you there. That's just fine. I'll fall behind. I don't care.
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3. |
An Excuse
04:37
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If it helps I'm really sorry. If it doesn't I still I am. We both know the truth is that I never had a chance. I could never fight you like I can't fight gravity. I know you never really thought you meant this much to me.
I guess it doesn't matter now cause there's no going back. It might be all downhill from here, but I'll do my best to laugh. I know it isn't all your fault, but it's also not all mine. As the time goes nothing changes but the time.
I'm so tired, but every time I turn the lights off they keep coming right back on, and I can't close my eyes, and I can't close my eyes.
I'm so tired.
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4. |
Untitled
05:03
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I'd die alone tomorrow if I could spend today not feeling alone. I would run away if only I could find a home.
I've been fighting myself for a little bit too long. The sun shines through my window and it feels so wrong.
I think I'd make the best alcoholic in the world, but I'm a bit too lazy to start drinking now, because everybody seems to find everything out. I've been found out.
I've been laying face down on this half deflated air mattress waiting for the world to end, because I'm sick of it.
Just give up the first time if I don't answer the phone. I've been thinking lately maybe we're all better off alone.
I've been laying face down on this half deflated air mattress waiting for the world to end because I'm so sick of this.
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5. |
There's Nothing Wrong
01:48
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The past just feels like nothing now, but nothing always holds me down. I don't wanna wait around for nothing anymore. I can't fight this urge to run, but I don't know what to run from. I don't know where I should go. I can't find the door.
The thing I really can't forget is all that nothing that I did, just waiting around hoping that someone would come back. Late nights alone in parking lots like the one where I wrote this song in memory of nothing because nothing never lasts.
There's nothing left but empty threats and all your broken promises. There's nothing left but empty threats and empty packs or cigarettes.
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6. |
Sullivan Jones
02:10
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It's fall now. I moved out of Indigo's house, after he broke my door down. It's such a weird feeling still living and breathing, watching my friends running out.
I had to get out of my hometown after all the pizza places closed down. The only one left right before I went was Domino's and going back there just wouldn't feel right now.
These inside jokes are killing me. I never thought I'd see the day. We were all so unhappy, but maybe we were better off that way.
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7. |
Dirty Junkie Part 1
02:41
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Instead of changing our ways we try to rewrite our brains when things don't go just write. Now I need my coffee just to get through the day, and I need pills to sleep at night. I'm just saying I think it's kinda fucked up that we get so fucked up all the time. We smoke and we drink until life doesn't hurt, or at least until we forget why.
I was supposed to learn to be alone without being lonely, but instead learned to be lonely without being alone. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what road this is. I'm just hoping that it takes me home. I'm just saying I think it'd kinda fucked up that I've been so fucked up this whole time. I'll smoke and I'll drink until I can't even think and my body hurts more than my mind.
Maybe you are not so different from the people you hate, or the people you tend to forget. Did you ever think that maybe you don't have it so much worse? But that doesn't mean that you don't have less than you deserve. But that's the life you've got so just do your best to live it. Try not to run or hide and just fucking deal with it. It's gonna suck sometimes, but that's just a part of life. Just remember everything good or bad that has existed will change.
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8. |
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There used to be a message of hope in all the sad songs that I wrote, but now they just feel like sad songs. It feels alright being back in Minnesota, but that won't stop the cops from meeting their quotas. I guess I don't expect to live too long.
I guess I could hang out with my old friends, but I don't know if that's gonna make any difference. I don't even know if I care. I could travel all around the country telling myself I'm looking for something, but every town I'm in feels like nowhere.
Nothing feels good anymore. Nothing feels good.
I try not to think about how lonely I am here, but nothing I do makes me feel like I'm anywhere. I don't feel real and I don't really care. I really really wish I cared.
Nothing feels good anymore. Nothing feels good.
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9. |
Chris Gitcho is Dead
03:54
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This place was my haven, and these people were my friends. I know you've had some good times, but good things do end.
Your liver is swollen. There's blood in your tears. Your body is breathing, but your mind's never here.
I don't always say the things that I should, like "it's hard not to think that only the young die good."
We are all dying, I know, but I refuse to be the last one to go.
Things might get better, but I can't promise you anything except that we won't survive if we just keep running away. But there are bigger things than you and me, so maybe we still have a few debts to pay.
We have got no right to be this unhappy.
We have got no right to keep on living this way.
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10. |
Please Don't Go
02:53
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Seafoam silence, please don't go. Tell me a story. Tell me everything you know. Tell me I'll see you out on the road. I'll keep on driving, and I'll see you below.
I can't wait to see you.
Wishful window, stay with me. Fall in to your mental ability. Weekends come and weekends leave, but all we know is our memories.
It's been great to see you. I can't wait to see you again.
Seafoam silence please don't go.
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11. |
Dying With You
02:31
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I'll pretend I've got better things to do than stay in bed and think about what could've been. I'll talk like I know what I'm talking about and I'll drive like I'm sober. I'll let your haze glaze over all my 2AM contradictions, because I can feel myself dying here all alone.
I wish I could be dying with you.
When I look in your eyes they look a little bit like mine. At least they do when you're starting to cry. I wanna hear about your life. I wanna see you all the time. I wanna tell you everything's gonna be alright, but I won't mean it and you won't believe it, but it's alright.
I wish I could be dying with you.
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12. |
Your Teeth
03:21
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(incoherent screaming)
I feel your teeth in my skin.
(incoherent screaming)
I feel your teeth in my skin.
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13. |
Even if I Can't
02:14
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A seven hour drive in my car alone. I never felt the same after I got home. I take my vitamins, my legs covered with ash. I wish I had been there. I wish you weren't so sad.
I could never get these things straight in my head. I had a little more. I had too much again. You said you're back in town. You said we should hang out. I asked you to hang out but we
I will act like I can hear the words you're saying even if I can't.
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14. |
Funeral Shoes
02:14
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I've been trying to sleep for years. It's been hard these last couple months. I watch all your Snapchat stories, but they're usually pretty boring. Sometimes boring gets to be too much. When I was six years old I had a crush. I miss my blue bike I rode back then. I miss my cat Cola and I miss falling in love.
Life wasn't supposed to turn out this way, but it's over now. Could you tell me anything at all if you wanted to?
I miss my cat Cola and I miss falling in love. I miss my grandfather and I miss something above me. I'm putting on my funeral shoes.
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15. |
Parking Garage
03:41
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Another lonely rainy weekend in the attic of the monster house. Mommy left me home all by myself. I'm running out.
It's been a long time coming. It looked like a long way down. I'm running out.
Another sad confusing morning. I wish I hadn't made it home alive. I think about the look of worry on the faces of the fairies in the headlights. I'm running out.
I'll take another and pretend I'm strong. I've been in this place for far too long. I wonder if I'll finally know what's wrong when I'm a puddle on the sidewalk.
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16. |
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High waisted highways and highly wasted high school days, the construction of the pyramids. Fast food ghost learning how to sleep, waking up in a submarine. Skateboard circles in the driveway.
Hey never, how you doing? I've got a 12 pack of orange soda. Do you remember the Harry Potter bunk bed? Rubber band bracelet cut off Haley's circulation.
Alien expedition.
Grenadine.
Granddaughter of a cop. Cannon ball, belly flop. Grenadine, oh nicotine.
Grenadine.
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17. |
A Nice Place to Die
01:12
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We were in the living room. You were crying. We were both dying. It always used to be that way, but somehow those were better days it seems to me lately.
And holy shit I wish I didn't still think about you all the fucking time.
I'd love to tell you that I'd love to see you, but that wouldn't be quite true. I'm trying to find a nice place to die. I'm just trying to find a nice place to die all alone.
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18. |
I Miss You by Blink-182
01:45
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It all fades out and in again. I'm looking for some peace in the all of it. The great confusion never ends, and that's okay. Sometimes it helps me through these kinds of days. I wanna tell you how I've changed, and I hope that means something.
All I wanna do is make out with you listening to Blink-182, but you're not around. I'm just hanging alone. I'll go get way too stoned and cry my eyes out at the zoo.
There are tadpoles in my bloodstream and I swear they made me do it. I didn't wanna write a love song, man. I swear they made me do it. My brain is fucking melting. I can't pull my shit together, but I miss you. I love Scooby Doo and Pokemon and fuck cops. It's alright to tell me what you think about me. I won't try to argue.
All I wanna do is make out with you listening to Blink-182, but you're not around. I'm just hanging alone. I'll go get way too stoned and cry myself to sleep at the zoo.
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19. |
Dammit by Blink-182
02:42
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I found God in an egg on a plate on a table in a Dennys on the east side. I was scared I'd find the devil in my car when I left your house that night.
Hey cotton candy skies, city lights. I'm just killing time. I wanna know what kind of things keep you up at night, and I know I say this sort of thing all the time, but please just let me know when you're home and safe and you're alright.
I wanna see the things that you see. Now I'm looking at blurry photos of computer screens. I can't read the text, but I still love just staring at it. You know lately I've been writing in pencil, but only because I can't find my pen.
When I do I will write you a letter in which I perfectly describe the feeling of sunshine on my skin while I'm walking through the snow.
Hey something, something, sleepless nights. I'm staying up all sad and wide eyed. Why'd you ever let me feel so alive? Oh cotton candy skies, city lights. I'm just killing time. I'm standing silhouetted by a skyline that's pouring out of you.
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20. |
Eagle Heights Bench Song
02:34
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I've got nothing to say. I'll spit something out anyway. I'm not gonna wait. I've been doing that too long. Instead I guess I'll just sit here and write another song about how I won't wait no more.
I watch the lights go by. I never take the time to wonder why they never stop. Maybe they're all too busy, they're just passing through, finding everything they want, but never what they need.
Maybe I won't find a resolution until my story ends. Maybe that's just fine. Maybe for now I can just pretend that I'm not all alone, or I'm not dying oh so slow. At least I've still got time. For now I guess I might as well try.
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21. |
Shia LaBeouf
02:43
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I don't know what I should say. I know it's my turn to pay, but I've got no money left. All my books are overdue, even the one I gave to you. I've got nothing left.
I'll tell myself I've got something nice to say. I'll tell myself I won't push my friends away. I'll tell myself life is gonna feel okay again one day.
I watch the way it comes to you. It's something I could never do. I've got a hole in my stomach the size of a bedroom. I can't be the only one who can't find their fucking skeleton. I've got a hole in my chest the size of a football field.
I'll tell myself I've got something nice to say. I'll tell myself I won't push my friends away. I'll tell myself life is gonna feel okay again one day.
I don't want to scream about all the things that I can't live without, but I don't know where to go from here. I just know that I can't make it through a life like this another year.
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22. |
Disconnected
03:26
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The last time I saw my father he seemed so scared and disappointed. The last time I saw my mother it seemed like she barely even knew me. The last time I saw my brother, man, I can't even remember that far back. The last time I saw my grandpa alive he didn't recognize me.
This time last year everything seemed so different. I never thought I'd get this bad again. Now the skies are flickering with light pollution. I don't know how I wound up in this world I'm in.
I look at my reflection, contemplate this disconnection, tell myself I'm doing alright these days. That might be a lie, but I'm not even sure if I can feel anything anymore anyway.
I wake up still drunk and wondering about the blood I'm covered in. I can't believe that I did this again. I'm feeling so alone these days. I wonder if I could be okay with anything anymore anyway, because it's just not getting any better.
Every time I leave the house I can't take my eyes off the fucking ground, so I guess I probably won't see you around. That don't really matter much, if I can't talk to anyone. I'm too young, or dumb, or drunk and this decade really fucking sucks.
It's just not getting any better.
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23. |
Thousand Yard Stare
04:00
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Driving home alone again. I guess it's something I've just gotta learn to live with. I don't know why I ever went so far. Now you're fucked up in the other room. Tell me something, baby, something new, because I don't ever wanna stop this car.
I'm almost out of money again, and I didn't even buy any drugs with it, but I'm becoming more and more like you every day. Now you walk through the door with that thousand yard stare. I'd tell you that I miss you, but you wouldn't care. You wish things were different because you're all starting to looking the same.
Late night nothing, now you're living the dream. It'll all be fine if you can stay asleep. If you don't play you won't lose. Either way you'd never win. So save that money cage. Buy a nicer cage. Right before I left I think I heard her say "Well I'm a high fucking roller and I'll never be sober again."
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